REFORMED WITNESS
Volume XV, July 2009, Number 7
Family Values
by Pastor Arie den Hartog
Anyone who has been following the political campaigns for the last several months is aware of how the above topic has become some sort of a buzzword for this year's campaign. Everyone realizes that America is in a state of moral and spiritual decadence. Such awful realities of life in America as the spiraling rate of violent crime, murders, rapes, assaults, and gang violence are indications of the tragic state our nation is in. The recent L.A. riots are symptomatic of the profound problems in our nation's cities that seem to defy all solution. It is shocking to learn how many of inner city youths are members of gangs. Thousands roam the streets of our cities without a home. Young people from earliest childhood are caught up with the drug culture, prostitution, and a life of violent crime. They grow up to be hardened criminals with attitudes and values that frighten you when you hear of them. Deep seated hatred, despair and pessimism are bred into people from childhood on that are almost impossible to overcome.
Even the world today acknowledges that much of the evils of our modern day society can be traced to the breakdown of the American home and the tragic state of family life in America. Our Vice President Dan Quale in a speech a few months ago suggested that America must get back to "traditional family values." He dared to criticize Hollywood for the moral rot that it produces in its soap operas and other movies. Every since he has been the object of the wrath of Hollywood. He continues to be mocked and ridiculed most often on the basis of a total misrepresentation of the words he said. Meanwhile those who are some of the most popular people in our land are at the same time the greatest perverts of our nation's morality. Political talk about "family values" has been greatly toned down for fear of offending the voting public.
In all the talk about "family values" it has also become very evident that there is little consensus in the world about what "family values" really are. One side may say that they include such things as homes where there are two parents, husbands and wives who live faithfully with each other, children who learn obedience to their parents and other authority and learn to love and respect their fellow human beings, and who in the home learn the value and dignity of work and of honesty and responsibility. The other side says that "family values" include such things respecting the "right" of women to abort their own babies and honoring the "alternate lifestyle" of the homosexual, giving welfare to unwed mothers with dependent children, and supporting the cause of the career woman who wants to go out to the working place and leave her children in day care centers, by tax credits and publicly funded day care centers.
It is not surprising at all that the world does not know what real family values are. Anyone who has read the Bible knows what God has to say about the evil of this world. "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world." I John 2:16. The fear of God is not found among the wicked men of this world. There is no regard for the law of God. This world continues to grow and develop more and more in wickedness and depravity. The Bible tells us that the wrath of God is upon this ungodly world, revealed against all its unrighteousness and ungodliness. That wrath of God is revealed in the misery and wretchedness and violence, wickedness and despair of this world. God is not mocked by the evil of the world. He visits it with His holy and righteous judgments. This world is fast becoming ripe for the final judgment.
In this world everyone does what is right in his or her own eyes. And if there is any regard for virtues and values those values are determined by nothing more than the prevailing opinions of men. They are ever changing to adapt to the evil life style of the people of the world.
How urgent it is for the Christian and for the church to separate itself from the ungodliness of this world. The calling of the church and her members is to know the truth of God and to stand firm on it. The calling of the church is to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ as the only hope of salvation from this present evil world. Christians must live in the fear of God and by their word and example show the truth and righteousness of God in their lives.
The Bible certainly clearly teaches the importance of the family and of family values. The law of God is the absolute standard of true family values. From creation God ordained that the family should be the foundation of society and of a nation. Furthermore according to His great purpose of salvation God is a "family God." He has made His covenant of grace with families, with believers and their children. God is pleased to continue His covenant of grace and salvation in the line of generations from fathers and mothers to the children. The history of the Old Testament makes this clear. There is no different in the New Testament age in which we live. Already on the day of Pentecost God said by His inspired apostle; "For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call." Acts 2:39.
Both the Old and the New Testament are full of instruction regarding marriage and the family. The scriptures are very plain that in God's sight the family is of greatest importance. Strong families are of great importance for the future of the church of God and the cause of the kingdom of the Lord Jesus Christ in the earth.
"Family values" are clearly and abundantly taught in the Word of God. They never change. They are the same from age to age. They apply in every and all circumstances. They are absolutely good. The families that are founded on the principles outlined in Holy Scripture will be blessed with the grace and favor and love of God. If we by the grace of God build our families on the foundations laid by God in His Word they will stand and not be destroyed. No, this does not mean that the Christian family will not experience great trouble and misery in this ungodly world. Christians as long as they are on this earth are still weak and sinful and their sinfulness often gets them into trouble and sorrow. Furthermore they are affected by the wickedness and ungodliness of this world with which they sometimes foolishly go along. Nevertheless the word of God stands as the absolute basis of what is good and right. Those who build their families on its principles will be strong and blessed of God.
Let us outline some of the "family values" that are found in the Word of God. The foremost of them is the fear of God. In one of the most significant and beautiful passages in the Bible on the family found in Psalm 128 we read: "Blessed is everyone that feareth the Lord; walking in His ways." Without the fear of God there can be no family values. The fear of God must be the basis and foundation of the Christian home. It must be the controlling atmosphere and spirit of the home. If we fear God we know Him as the Sovereign and Holy One, the God of righteousness and truth. We know that there is no greater evil than His wrath and judgment and no greater good than His favor and blessing. We believe He has created and ordained all things including also marriage and the family. He has outlined His own good and wise order for the family and only those who abide by that order shall be blessed.
Family values begin with a truly Christian marriage. Such a marriage is based on the Word of God. This Word of God teaches that marriage is a creation ordinance of God. It is not a mere human institution. God ordained from the beginning that marriage should be between one man and one woman, male and female, not two persons of the same sex. The Bible teaches that God Himself brings man and woman together in marriage and when they are united together He says: "What God hath joined together let not man put asunder." The Lord commanded man and woman that they should live faithfully with each other and not forsake each other as long as they both live on earth. God commanded that they should live in communion with one another in the bond of love each serving one another for mutual benefit. God commanded that man and woman should live in holiness, sexual purity, and faithfulness with one another in marriage and that they should not allow another man or woman to violate the covenant of their marriage. The Lord Himself ordained that man should be the head in marriage and that woman was created to be the helpmeet of man. Together man and woman each in their respective callings are to serve the Lord. These are fixed principles for marriage that cannot be changed without creating havoc in marriage. The husband is called to rule his wife in love caring for her, cherishing her, providing for her and protecting her. This is a great responsibility and can only be performed by man in high regard for and love for his wife and in dependence on the grace of God. The wife in marriage is called to serve her husband. This calls for selflessness, humility and meekness which are in the sight of God of great price.
God commands the godly husband and wife to bring forth children, the children of God's covenant. This is not only a great joy and blessing for a godly couple but also a responsibility before God. Children are to be loved and cherished as the heritage of the Lord. How absolutely different this is than what we see and hear of in this wicked world where mothers in cold blood murder their own babies before they are even born. The law of our land is so weak and corrupt that it does not even condemn and judge this great evil. The calling of the Christian couple is not only to bring forth children but also to raise them in the fear of the Lord. This is a very serious responsibility that God gives to parents before any one else. This is not first of all the responsibility of the schools or of the state. Children must be raised in a home where there is an atmosphere of Christian love and the fear of God. Children need to be admonished and disciplined. Contrary to the prevailing philosophy of the world our children are not born basically good. Along with their parents they have from birth a deeply sinful nature. This nature must be checked by firm and loving discipline. In the home children need to be taught obedience to authority in the fear of the Lord. Christian virtues need to be instilled and nurtured in them. In the home children need to be taught responsibility and their obligation to work for a living. They need to be taught to have love and respect for their fellow man. We believe that only the truly Christian home can by the grace of God perform this great task. Parents must be an influence for good in the lives of their children not only by word but also by the example of their own lives. Extremely important to the nurture of children is that father and mother have a loving stable relationship with one another as husband and wife. Few things will have a greater impact on the lives of growing and developing children as this will.
A great "family value", a treasure little known in our age of wickedness, is the Christian mother who sacrifices herself for the care of her children and considers the nurturing of her children so important that this must be a primary concern of her life. So important is this to her that when she is devoted to this she has neither the time nor the energy for an occupation outside the home. She has one of the greatest occupations imaginable. It is no exaggeration to say that godly mothers who devote themselves selflessly to the raising of their children will have a greater impact on society and will do more good for the cause of the church of Jesus Christ than almost anyone else. Fathers also have a great responsibility in the family. They must lead the family and care for it and its head. This involves much more than merely being the bread winner as important as this is. Though they usually need to have a career outside of the home they must never fail to understand that the chief purpose of this career is to care for their wives and families in the home. They ought to be very careful about being away from the home for any longer time than is absolutely necessary. They must be ready at times to forego honor and promotion in the world because of greater priorities and responsibilities in the home and family. In summary, for both father and mother the great requirement is self-sacrifice. This is a supreme "family value" that is truly far more glorious than the self-seeking career woman and the man who for the same selfish reason has no other goal in mind than making himself rich and famous in the world.
The Bible sets before us the great ideals for Christian family living. The Bible gives us the prescription for a truly happy, strong and blessed home. We know as Christians however that we are far from perfect and often fall far short of the ideals set forth in the scriptures. In the current debate about family values it is argued that since there are so many homes today that are broken by sin and are far from what is know as "traditional families" we ought to compromise the teaching of God's Word and accept so called alternate family lifestyles. We ought to honor in the same way those who live in these alternate lifestyles as those who live according to Biblical norm. Even when there has been great sin in the marital relationship or neglect in the responsibilities of bringing up children we must praise every man for his efforts and condemn no one or the way they themselves choose to live. The Word of God however does condemn a sinful lifestyle. On the other hand it promises the grace and mercy of God to those who repent of their sin. Only the power of the grace of God can bring healing and hope where there are broken homes and where sin has resulted in misery and wretchedness. The Christian must have great compassion towards those who through sin and weakness have brought sorrow and misery to their marriage and home. He must show this compassion in practical deeds and concern towards those who sincerely desire to serve God. This does not however give us the right to forget about God's principles for the home. God's laws for the family are good and wise. They are truly FAMILY VALUES. They are of unestimable worth and precious. When we by grace seek to follow the rules which God has laid down in His Word for our families we will gain a great reward. Few things on this earth are more wonderful than a happy and stable God-fearing Christian home.
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